I should probably start at the beginning, but there’s a few things that I wanted to say first. The main thing is that this isn’t the first time I’ve written my testimony, but I think it is the first one told completely truthfully. I just read through the one I had previously written and I sounded perfect, sickeningly perfect – which I am most definitely not. So here goes honesty.
I grew up in a Christian home and lived a childhood that was truly a blessing from God. I accepted Christ at the age of 4, but I didn’t really know what true Christianity meant until early high school. In my early years I suffered a lot with guilt. I felt that every time I had done something wrong, whether from 2 days ago or 2 years ago, I needed to seek forgiveness for. I remember being burdened with this heavy load of guilt that I didn’t know how to rid myself of. Partially I grew out of it, but mainly I realized that God forgave me of all my sins, so that I didn’t have to bear the load of my many, many mistakes.
A mission trip to Mexico in 8th grade marked the legitimate base line for my relationship with Christ as I got to experience serving God first hand. It changed my life and determined my future in missions. Last summer I traveled to Bolivia for a month to serve and fell in love with the country, the people, and even more in love with missions. I know that my heart lies in missions and that someday, God will take me to serve full time in another country.
Now for the honesty part… One of my faults is that I like to portray to others that I have it all together; that my life is completely perfect. It’s not. I struggle daily with self-image, and confidence in who God has made me. I wish I was thinner, my nose was straighter, my body better proportioned. I wish that I was more outgoing and that I had guys hounding me for a date. The truth is, I’ve only been on one date. And while I know it’s God’s timing, it’s hard for me to accept. And even though I’m only 18, have the idea of marriage on my mind and always wonder if there’s anyone out there right for me.
But despite the doubts in myself, I want to focus on God. I want to fall in love with Him more every day and become more like Him in every way. As all Christians, I am in no way perfect in my walk with God and I go through spiritual valleys and mountains, but He still remains my focus. Although I have my off days, I get distracted, and I choose other things over God sometimes, I know that He loves me and I hope that my love for Him can continually grow stronger and more passionate every day of my life.